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Battlefield: the Transition Pt. 3

God so much is going on. So many thoughts are in my head. Lord I don’t want to question you. The pressure is on. By your grace, I’ve been approved for my apartment. God I know you aren’t a magician but you are a provider. I don’t need the best. I just need you to sustain me. I just need you. That’s where the true riches are. I am believing you to provide but time is running out, the clock is ticking, we are down to the wire. I know, I know, that’s where you show yourself the mightiest. 

The devil is trying to confuse me. Trying to get me to stay in this bad situation. Making me feel like I’m the one that’s wrong. I have my faults but I am not wrong. Sidebar - Also God, I still need my free-time to pray and my word, and my Bible. Those things are non-negotiable. I’ve seen you do it for others and I know you can do it for me.

So much confusion right now. Lord, I feel like I know what to do. I also feel like the devil is trying to see if I cave in. Why do I feel guilty for leaving when he is always putting me out?! I stayed. Even still, I stayed no matter how I felt, for my family’s sake! But now, I realize that this isn’t healthy.

It’s by your grace and protection that the snares set for me have not succeeded. I’ve been strong through the emotional abuse. Now I am ready to have your strength to leave. I’m not angry, just ready. I know the devil is trying to trick me. He has been so mean and nasty to me and I just take it because I know you will avenge me of my enemies. But I’m tired God. 

Since I’ve checked out emotionally, I see him being nice to reel me back in. I fell for it before but not this time. I’m wondering where you are. Are you going to show up?! I know you are but it’s time and I’m scattering for answers. I’m trying to stay strong in my faith in you. I know these things that I am facing are you turning the fire hotter, strengthening me. But, Lord my faith is wearing thin. 

I’m more invested in my move and the future than I am in you and I’m sorry for that. You are just so quiet right now. They say the teacher never talks during the test. I just pray that I am doing the right thing. God I know you are going to provide. I know you are working. I hear you. I’m trying to keep my hand out of the mix. Lord give me the strength, please! 

I’m a believer in having what you have for me. Lord I know you aren’t for the money, I don’t even want to make a lot. I’m not even chasing money. I just need enough to pay my bills. God I’m asking for at least $xx an hour. I would like to start with a newborn. I would like to care for them in my home. That’s why this apartment seems perfect, especially with the grass area and play area. I also want to do something with toothpaste this year. I would like to do more markets and get it in at least 3 stores.

I really need this to be a place of peace. I feel like I’m suffering here. Running out of breath. Lord please if it’s not in your will, remove it; but if it is, Lord send me my breakthrough soon. Please let my job be here soon. Please let me tax return be here soon. I wouldn’t mind not working immediately honestly but then I’m like how will my bills be paid? I cannot do ‘nothing’. 

I’m willing to make it all work just to be a stay at home mom. My daughter will have to be with me in whatever I do. God I need a new bed, new furniture. I just want a fresh start completely. I’m not trying to live for anyone. I want to keep the simple life. A simple clutter free place. If anyone can do it, you can Lord. You can!

Lord God, I’m asking for your favor on this interview. I am so blessed to have it. It takes a lot of pressure off of me. I know I should have peace of mind but I’m struggling. I’m struggling but I’m trying. Spirit of worry I rebuke you in the name of Jesus. Spirit of doubt, I rebuke you in the name of Jesus. Lord please be the barrier between them and me. Allow me to say the truth in what I can do. Lord I know you are working. I pray this is the end of my search but if it’s not your will and means me no good, block it. Amen!

Update: I didn't get the live-in nanny job or this one. I have never had such a hard time looking for a job. I would at least get a bunch of leads. So I know this is definitely you. You are making it very clear to me that when it all works out it will be by your hand and not my own. See how God can hold something back from you to bring you something better. We get so caught up on what we didn’t receive when we need to be praising God for what’s about to come!


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