Today, I was filled with so much emotion. The devil clouded my mind and I became seriously ungrateful. The excitement I had for this place, my apartment, was gone and I found everything wrong with it. I had to correct myself, and fast!
I felt like I was finding everything wrong with the place. Doubt set in. What in the world am I doing?! I would really leave a place where all of my bills are being paid?! I have no financial worries – none. I’m really breaking up my family?! The apartment has too many stairs! It’s old! It’s smaller than I thought!
Then I went back inside and prayed. Then it hit me - this was a trick of the enemy. The place is perfect for me and my daughter. It’ll be perfect to ride her bike. Perfect to plant flowers. It’s right at the playground. It has dual entry so I don’t have to take all those stairs. Most importantly, it’s a place to read my bible, pray, worship, and fellowship with you. It’s better than imposing on my brother and his wife. It’s better than a shelter. It’s better than not having anywhere to go. God, once you spoke that to me, I got myself together.
I also got my joy back, temporarily, until I realized that I still don’t have a job. I still haven’t heard back from the two interviews I had. Oh. Lord, how am I going to pay my rent for March? How am I? What about? All of these questions, all of this doubt, made my stomach hurt. Fear set in. Worry set in.
I’m trying to pray it off but my mind is consumed. It’s going in circles. I can’t think straight. So much going on…
Then I try to read the Bible and literally, I can’t focus on a single word. It was hard. But I said, you know what – I don’t care, I’m going to keep reading until something clicks. And finally it did.
I got to 2nd Samuel 16:12 and boom, there it is. This story is about King David’s son stealing his kingdom from him and David and his men fled. They entered into Bohurim where one of Saul’s descendents, Shimei, came out against David throwing stones and cursing him. David’s men wanted to kill him. Instead, David says no, let him curse me, clearly the Lord directed him to. Then he goes on to say maybe the Lord will look upon my affliction and give me good for all that he cursed me. In reference, Roman’s 8:28 goes to say that all things work together for the good of those that love God and are called according to his purpose.
The funny thing is that I told you I wanted to read about your promises of provision without Googling it. Sometimes I feel like using Google for information that I would rather find in the Bible itself takes away from the personal connection I have with you. I would rather read the actual Bible and allow you to lead me from there – and that’s exactly what you did.
So, although I do not understand what I’m going through. Although I don’t understand what you are going to do. How you are going to provide. I can stand here like David in my affliction and believe that you will requite me good for my sufferings, for the wrongdoings done unto me.
Your word promises that all things work together for those that love God. Well I most certainly love you God. I’ve sacrificed my entire life to you. Although he puts me out, I realized that this relationship wasn’t honoring God and I want to honor you in all that I do. This move wasn’t about him. It was about you. About our relationship!
Father, I look forward to it all working out. This is enough to give me peaceful sleep tonight. Praise the Lord. Thank you Lord for meeting me in the Bible. I tell people all the time, don’t focus on the words in the Bible so much; God is there – focus on that!
How many of you can stand in agreement with God and believe that he will make everything work for your good? What are you believing him for? Please share :-)
Love you all with the love of Jesus Christ