Skip to main content

Battlefield: the Transition Pt. 2

Well, God, these last few days have been interesting. The word is FAITH. Do I really believe you to provide?! So the first job was a scam, the condo I wanted to rent was rented before I had a chance to see it, even though I had an appointment. Guess it wasn’t for me and I am okay with that. Instead of my heart being set on it and being disappointed, my heart is set on you and you never let me down.

So then I heard back from another job. I’d just assumed this one is probably a scam too. But it was the only other one I heard back from. So I said okay, I will see where this one is going. Now, I just knew that you were going to bless me with an overwhelming amount of replies from people wanting to hire me. 

But God, I understand how sometimes, all you need is one! Here I am. Still searching for a place to live. I found an apartment I always wanted to live in. I’m thinking, Jasmine apply for it because the Lord will provide. It’s not available until March 16th though and the others available now are more expensive. I hate how much it is to live now and I just can’t bring myself to pay for it. I wanted to know which floor the apartment was on before I applied. It was the weekend and after-hours, they were closed. When I called, the guy told me all 3 units were taken. Welp, Ok God. Guess I’ll just be where I am. Maybe I’m not thinking this thing through. Oh hey devil, BYE devil. 

This move is about getting in alignment with God’s order. It’s about me but it really isn’t about me. Anything that doesn’t honor God, I cannot be a  part of.

So here this  job presents itself - a family looking for a live-in nanny. Wait, how can I do that with my little one?! Would they let me bring my daughter? Wait, I’m confused. Nah, that won’t work. I need my own space. Oh great, they’re okay with a live-out nanny. Whew! But the pay isn’t great. I wanted $xx but they can only offer less. Well God, you said you would provide. So I’ll take it. I trust that even with that, you will make ends meet.

All the sermons this week have been about trust. What it meant to actually believe in you, to have faith in you. Pastor said faith ain’t you doing things, and when you get it, no matter how, believing it’s you. He said faith is really trusting you to do something when we haven’t been involved. To add to that, I thought about Donnie McClurkin’s song Stand. “You just stand and watch the Lord see you through; and after you’ve done all you can, you just STAND.”

God, I’m stepping aside. I don’t want to be in the way. Even when I was applying to jobs, I’m like I’ve got to give God something to work with but you told me to stop. I did but I didn’t! I’m like but God if I don’t continue to cast my net, how will you be able to do your thing?! Well, you have showed me that you  do not need my help. Reminder – YOU ARE GOD ALL BY YOURSELF!

Now, I’m thinking. I’ve interviewed with this one family and they’re a believing family. Now you know I want to surround myself around people that believe in you. This baby I may care for is even in a Christian day school at a church. I just talked to this lady on the phone about God more than her child. Well more than I expected. As I got off the phone and prayed a little. I realized that living with this family may be okay. It may even be your doing, I’m not sure. I have to keep praying and see how you orchestrate things. 

I’ve been on my own since 19. The thought of living with someone seems weird but like a true blessing at the same time. Now, funny story is a couple of months ago when I thought about leaving. Leaving my daughter was non-negotiable and I had to put myself in a living situation where I didn’t have to work full-time again and I could remain a stay-at-home mom. 

So I looked into trying to find another mom to be roommates with. And my daughter could have a roommate/sibling at home. That didn’t pan out. But if I was willing to do that, then being a live-in nanny kind of hits the mark. The more I think about it, the more it works. God gave me the words full-circle. It has been revealed to me several times in the last few weeks.

Some examples:
My best friend is super annoying. When I had my daughter, she had so many jokes about my doctor. By the way, praise God for him because he supported me through a more natural pregnancy, labor, and delivery. So, now, she’s a big shot at a hospital and works in the pediatric unit. So, she’s speaking about the doctors there and how she is going to have her first child with this particular set of doctors because of how good they are. I said, oh really, you do know that he was my doctor, you know the one you joked about… And she burst into laughter. She hadn’t put two and two together. She’s like, I don’t care about what I said in the past, they will be my doctors lol. She also said isn’t funny how things come full-circle.

I may have already mentioned the fight between David and Goliath and how David cut Goliath’s head off with his own sword is definitely an example of full-circle. What you thought was meant for me was actually meant for you. Ha!

Lastly, the last time Saul had come out against David to kill him, David spared Saul’s life. Abishai asked David to let him kill Saul while he was asleep. David said no. “David said furthermore, As the Lord liveth, the Lord shall smite him; or his day shall come to die; or he shall descend into battle, and perish” (1 Sam 26:10). Guess what, Saul was killed in battle. Lol. Now talk about full-circle.

I think for me, so far, for-circle has been revealed as things coming to pass especially from their origin and back to their origin.I can't  wait for you to reveal more to me about the meaning of full-circle in my life and my situation.



Popular posts from this blog

Call Your Mom!

I spent years keeping my mom distant, never letting her get too close. I didn’t trust her. I couldn’t trust her. There was too much hurt and pain. I shut down on her years ago. I went through so much and I needed her. She wasn’t there the way I needed her. Fast forward to being pregnant with my daughter and I realized how much I wanted to have an awesome relationship with her. Compensating for what my mother and I didn’t have. Then it hit me. How can my daughter have what she doesn’t see? How can she know how to open up to me and trust me if she doesn’t see it with me and my mom? Everything we do, even the things we don’t notice, are being recorded by these little sponges. It was at that moment, I chose to change the dynamics of my relationship with my mom. Let me be clear. Did my mom change for me to change? No! Nope, she didn’t! But God changed me. God changed my views of her. God healed my hurting places, my wounds from her, and filled them with other sentiments like love, honor, an

He Is...

The other day my friend and I were talking and she was going through her own trials that seem to have her down. She said she couldn’t sleep and couldn’t stop crying. It seemed like everything was getting her at once and she could only take it one day at a time. Let me give you some history on my friend, a little back story. We met in a time where I was uncertain about where I was with God. I knew God, and prayed to God, but I had cut Jesus out of my life. Remember in one of my previous journals I mentioned how I believed the hype that worshipping Jesus was idol worshipping and it was a sin. Because after all, idol worshipping was breaking one of the commandments. Yeah, someone whom never cracked open the Bible at least knew the basics right? WRONG! Well anyway, she and I had gone on a dinner date to Baltimore and on the drive home, we began talking about Jesus and I asked who Jesus was to her. She said God. I said how I felt Jesus wasn’t God. He may be real, he may have existed, bu

Co-parenting Prayer

I enrolled my daughter in a second gymnastics class so that her dad could participate. The class is on Mondays. Well, the Sunday prior he did not come to see her until 8pm. I wasn’t feeling that at all. So the Monday after, he found out that I got my minivan and was upset. Why would I get a new car because I can’t afford it…I’m already questioning where my money is going now…I’m like excuse me wait hold on a second, my car is not your concern and your money goes to taking care of our daughter. I mentioned how the little money he gives me is not enough to truly cover our daughter and how I put out more for her and I have my own bills. He said that had nothing to do with him and I said neither does my car. I hate confrontation especially with him. But I’m done with being bullied. He came inside to pick up our daughter and wanted to continue his argument. Asked me who I thought I was talking to…in my home lol. Because I refused to continue the dramatics, he was especially upset. As a r