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Structure

God, I really do not want to sound ungrateful and be complaining. My first day of work was Monday and it was hard for me. It wasn’t my style of nannying first, and second, it takes a lot from my daughter. I needed a job where my care is inclusive of their child and mine. This job is not.

Although you’ve given me some ideas to be able to keep her busy and distracted, these days of being off made me realize that the reason I wanted to be home with her was to still be able to pour into her; to raise her for myself. It makes her happy and it makes me happy. I figured that with all the fun we have, we can share it with other kids.

Not only do I feel the job is too difficult with me having MyMy, but also I feel like I was neglecting her. And I can’t do that! It makes me mean and makes me sad when I can’t give her the necessary attention she needs.

The icing on the cake, or to top it off in better words, they live on the fourth floor and we cannot leave the house. Now, truth be told, do I want to leave the house with a 2 year old and a 6 month old from the fourth floor with only steps???? Heckkkk no! 

However, MyMy and I are used to being out and about and exploring. Every chance I get to expose her to anything, I do. She’s in gymnastics now. We enjoy parks, playgrounds, outdoors, fresh air, library storytime, the farm, the zoo, splash parks, gardens, everything out and about lol. 4 months is a lot to sacrifice these things.

Most importantly, I felt like before this job, I said Lord, it’s okay if I do not get a job right now. I’ll spend my time praying, reading my Bible, listening to the word, and spending time with my daughter. Maybe I won’t work until like March or something.
Then, a job comes and I take it. I praised you for it and after one day, I’m talking about quitting. I mean, who in their right mind would quit?! …ME… I feel like I didn’t keep my word which caused me to settle. I ran after the money and listened to other people instead of waiting on you.

Somehow you blessed me with the week off after my first day. It’s been the best week. We went to the library on her birthday, ate more birthday cake, played with her birthday gifts, went to her gymnastics class, went to the playground, and going to the library storytime again, the library dance party and whatever else comes my way.

The more I write, the more I’m making the decision to leave. I feel like it also sets me back in my faith because I’m really like I’m walking away from a good paying job. Oh Lord, will I find something else? Am I just being spoiled? Entitled? But I feel like if I’m going to trust you with my everything, I might as well go all in, you know?!

There is a family out there that I will be a perfect match for us, you just have to orchestrate it.
Though I will say, even working for this family for one day, I learned a lot. I learned what will work for us and what will not. 
Unfortunately, I’m not a structured person, I’m a go-with-the-flow kind of person. I need a family that will trust me to do my thing. I want to give kids fun and allow them to learn through fun, exposure, and experience.

God, please do not let me quitting be a mistake. I also don’t want quitting when things get hard to be a norm for me. I know life is hard and isn’t meant to be easy. I also understand that being uncomfortable is good because its room to grow… it allows well-roundedness. Which is why I want to stick it out but honestly as the days go by, I’m feeling more and more like I need to go now while it’s still early.

Lord, tomorrow I will head over to quit. I just pray that if I’ve lost my mind, speak to me before it’s too late. I love you so much. Thank you for my baby and the opportunity and desire to watch her grow.
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Late last night, I realized that working for this family for a day was also beneficial to be because it made me really think about my home childcare. The word structure really stuck out to me. Although I’m not a structured person, my daycare would need some sort of structure. Then, I realized, we already have a structure.

Today I actually charted and noted everything and we have almost the same structure as a daycare. There’s not much tweaking to do. This was enough to really put things into perspective. This brings me joy. I’ve been wanting to do it for so long and the time is now. I’m already making a career change and complete life changes, so why not?

So, I called the family today and resigned. How crazy right?! Although I was like Lord, please say I did the right thing, I felt happy and relieve that it’s out of the way so you can bless me with what we agreed on in the beginning.

My faith doesn’t just end because things did not turn out as expected. It gives me even more reason to wait on you and believe you for what’s to come. It’s so funny because not long after, I was contacted for another job. I’m not sure if this is job is for me but the fact that I quit a job and about 1.5 hours later someone contacts me lets me know that I made the right decision and you, God, are still working.

I shall have what I decree because I believe it belongs to me so I’m gonna speak into the atmosphere! Speak it! – Speak by Myron Butler

So this day forward, I’m living out what I’ve asked God for. This day forward, we will keep our schedule. I will add some really cool learning experiences, outings, and activities. Soon enough, I will look up and there will be one child, and then, there will be another.

Once I decided that my family was my ministry, the caring and cultivating of it is non-negotiable. I’m committed to the well-being, learning, and life experiences of my child. Being home with her is non-negotiable. I only get one chance at this with her and I’m going to live it out. It’s a privilege and honor and God will handle all of the logistics of my decision
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Question: Why do we halfway trust God? They say faith without works is dead. Having faith needs to be backed by some action. So we are taught to “do” in order to show God that we are serious about all that he has for us. The thing is every time I was faced or challenged with something, God told me to be still and know that I am God. He doesn’t need you to “do”. Faith is something you have, but it’s also something you do. Therefore the only works that need to back up faith is FAITH. Just do faith!

When you get cornered, backed up against the wall, faith it! You don’t know where money will come from, faith it! Ready to quit your job and start a new career, faith it!

Stop just “having faith” and actually faith your way through.

Love y'all

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