Fast forward to being pregnant with my daughter and I realized how much I wanted to have an awesome relationship with her. Compensating for what my mother and I didn’t have. Then it hit me. How can my daughter have what she doesn’t see? How can she know how to open up to me and trust me if she doesn’t see it with me and my mom? Everything we do, even the things we don’t notice, are being recorded by these little sponges. It was at that moment, I chose to change the dynamics of my relationship with my mom.
Let me be clear. Did my mom change for me to change? No! Nope, she didn’t! But God changed me. God changed my views of her. God healed my hurting places, my wounds from her, and filled them with other sentiments like love, honor, and respect.
A lot of times we are waiting for an apology, waiting for people to change before we let them back in our lives. And rightfully so. Believe me, I understand. Matter of fact there are still some people we need to keep very far from us.
In any scenario, we have to learn to love them at a distance. Whatever distance seems most comfortable with us. Nonetheless, we must learn how to love them again, unconditionally, even when they haven’t changed or apologized.
You know what, this is for my mom and my dad. Although he and I do not have a relationship, after a lot of thought and prayer, I love him. Even without knowing him like that and if he wanted to come into my life, he would be welcomed with open arms and an open heart. I don’t need an explanation or an apology because Jesus already fixed it.
Back to my mom though. Since I had my daughter, my mom has been proactive about being in my daughter’s life. For a while I was uncomfortable because I wanted to protect her from some of the things I’ve gone through with my mom and didn’t want some things rubbing off on her or want her exposed to certain lifestyle choices.
Now don’t get me wrong…I still feel that way but not just towards my mom but everyone. That’s my role as a mom. But I have loosened the reins for my mom. And it’s been the best thing for us. All of us. Me, my daughter, and my mom.
When I was at the gym yesterday talking to my cousin, she asked when was the last time I saw my mom. This was on a Friday, I told her Tuesday. My mom had come to watch my daughter while I went to the gym. And I went on smiling and saying Praise God for my mom like seriously, I’m so blessed to have her. And all my cousin could do was look up at me and say wow and smile.
Me saying this was new to her. Not that I always talked bad about my mom or anything, I probably just didn’t talk about her at all.
Honestly, all I can do is smile when I think about her. And think about how far our relationship has come. Is this the perfect mother-daughter relationship I’ve always dreamed of? Nope. But you know what, God thought her well enough to bring me in this world and if He thought that highly of her, I will honor her just for that at the minimum.
And she doesn’t have to be perfect but she’s mine and I love her. Honestly, I’m crying just writing this. I don’t even know where this cry came from. Lol. I’m such a crier nowadays.
We don’t have forever with our moms (our parents). There will come a time when they will go to sleep to never return. Tomorrow is not promised. What can you do on your end to protect, enhance, repair your relationship with your mom? ‘Heaven don’t have phone’. Listen when I run into older people, each and every one of them talk about how much they miss their mama. One lady I met, her mom died over 20 years ago and she still talks about how much she misses her.
Don’t wait until it’s too late.
Although I didn’t have this relationship with her the first twenty something years, I have more than enough time, God willing, to create our best for the rest of our years together. It won’t be easy but nothing God gives us is easy, but it’s always worth it.
First – pray for your mom
Second – call her or pay her a visit. She would love to hear from you.
I LOVE YOU MOMMY!