Skip to main content

Call Your Mom!

I spent years keeping my mom distant, never letting her get too close. I didn’t trust her. I couldn’t trust her. There was too much hurt and pain. I shut down on her years ago. I went through so much and I needed her. She wasn’t there the way I needed her.

Fast forward to being pregnant with my daughter and I realized how much I wanted to have an awesome relationship with her. Compensating for what my mother and I didn’t have. Then it hit me. How can my daughter have what she doesn’t see? How can she know how to open up to me and trust me if she doesn’t see it with me and my mom? Everything we do, even the things we don’t notice, are being recorded by these little sponges. It was at that moment, I chose to change the dynamics of my relationship with my mom.

Let me be clear. Did my mom change for me to change? No! Nope, she didn’t! But God changed me. God changed my views of her. God healed my hurting places, my wounds from her, and filled them with other sentiments like love, honor, and respect.

A lot of times we are waiting for an apology, waiting for people to change before we let them back in our lives. And rightfully so. Believe me, I understand. Matter of fact there are still some people we need to keep very far from us.

In any scenario, we have to learn to love them at a distance. Whatever distance seems most comfortable with us. Nonetheless, we must learn how to love them again, unconditionally, even when they haven’t changed or apologized.

You know what, this is for my mom and my dad. Although he and I do not have a relationship, after a lot of thought and prayer, I love him. Even without knowing him like that and if he wanted to come into my life, he would be welcomed with open arms and an open heart. I don’t need an explanation or an apology because Jesus already fixed it.

Back to my mom though. Since I had my daughter, my mom has been proactive about being in my daughter’s life. For a while I was uncomfortable because I wanted to protect her from some of the things I’ve gone through with my mom and didn’t want some things rubbing off on her or want her exposed to certain lifestyle choices.

Now don’t get me wrong…I still feel that way but not just towards my mom but everyone. That’s my role as a mom. But I have loosened the reins for my mom. And it’s been the best thing for us. All of us. Me, my daughter, and my mom.

When I was at the gym yesterday talking to my cousin, she asked when was the last time I saw my mom. This was on a Friday, I told her Tuesday. My mom had come to watch my daughter while I went to the gym. And I went on smiling and saying Praise God for my mom like seriously, I’m so blessed to have her. And all my cousin could do was look up at me and say wow and smile.

Me saying this was new to her. Not that I always talked bad about my mom or anything, I probably just didn’t talk about her at all.

Honestly, all I can do is smile when I think about her. And think about how far our relationship has come. Is this the perfect mother-daughter relationship I’ve always dreamed of? Nope. But you know what, God thought her well enough to bring me in this world and if He thought that highly of her, I will honor her just for that at the minimum.

And she doesn’t have to be perfect but she’s mine and I love her. Honestly, I’m crying just writing this. I don’t even know where this cry came from. Lol. I’m such a crier nowadays.

We don’t have forever with our moms (our parents). There will come a time when they will go to sleep to never return. Tomorrow is not promised. What can you do on your end to protect, enhance, repair your relationship with your mom? ‘Heaven don’t have phone’. Listen when I run into older people, each and every one of them talk about how much they miss their mama. One lady I met, her mom died over 20 years ago and she still talks about how much she misses her.

Don’t wait until it’s too late.

Although I didn’t have this relationship with her the first twenty something years, I have more than enough time, God willing, to create our best for the rest of our years together. It won’t be easy but nothing God gives us is easy, but it’s always worth it.

First – pray for your mom

Second – call her or pay her a visit. She would love to hear from you.

I LOVE YOU MOMMY!

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

He Is...

The other day my friend and I were talking and she was going through her own trials that seem to have her down. She said she couldn’t sleep and couldn’t stop crying. It seemed like everything was getting her at once and she could only take it one day at a time. Let me give you some history on my friend, a little back story. We met in a time where I was uncertain about where I was with God. I knew God, and prayed to God, but I had cut Jesus out of my life. Remember in one of my previous journals I mentioned how I believed the hype that worshipping Jesus was idol worshipping and it was a sin. Because after all, idol worshipping was breaking one of the commandments. Yeah, someone whom never cracked open the Bible at least knew the basics right? WRONG! Well anyway, she and I had gone on a dinner date to Baltimore and on the drive home, we began talking about Jesus and I asked who Jesus was to her. She said God. I said how I felt Jesus wasn’t God. He may be real, he may have existed, bu

Co-parenting Woes

So God you know how I’ve been feeling towards my daughter’s dad and his fathering. This week I realized that it’s okay if he stays away because You got us. I started to really feel like she would be okay without him because she has You. This plays into my insecurities with my dad that I do not want to impose on her. Since he found out about my minivan and the argument that followed where I told him it wasn’t any of his concern, he hasn’t been talking to me. It’s funny because I’m finally standing up for myself and I’m not the same Jas he could control when we were together. He is not only not speaking to me, but he isn’t talking to our daughter either. He doesn’t call her. I only call him when she asks for him and he doesn’t answer.  Now me being a mom where I didn’t want to be like other moms who keep their kids from their father, I’ve been friendly to him because I thought we could be cool and co-parent effectively. I’ve given him non-restricted access to her. It’s crazy because