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Co-parenting Woes

So God you know how I’ve been feeling towards my daughter’s dad and his fathering. This week I realized that it’s okay if he stays away because You got us. I started to really feel like she would be okay without him because she has You.

This plays into my insecurities with my dad that I do not want to impose on her. Since he found out about my minivan and the argument that followed where I told him it wasn’t any of his concern, he hasn’t been talking to me. It’s funny because I’m finally standing up for myself and I’m not the same Jas he could control when we were together. He is not only not speaking to me, but he isn’t talking to our daughter either. He doesn’t call her. I only call him when she asks for him and he doesn’t answer. 

Now me being a mom where I didn’t want to be like other moms who keep their kids from their father, I’ve been friendly to him because I thought we could be cool and co-parent effectively. I’ve given him non-restricted access to her. It’s crazy because you actually have good guys that would love to see their kids but for some reason the mom won’t allow it. Then you have me allowing it but he doesn’t take advantage of the opportunity.

So I’ve been feeling like don’t force it, don’t force the issue, he doesn’t have to be around if he doesn’t want to. God you’ve given me revelation that we are going to be just fine. We, because the thought of not having a break every now and again can take a toll on you. Him being around helps me. But honestly, he worked 14hour days when we were together, I’ve been doing it by myself for a long time.

I enrolled them in a gymnastics class so I wasn’t the only one having all the fun with her. Now I regret it. I honestly don’t want to have nothing to do with him choosing to have a relationship with her. Now this class ends in May. After that, I’m done and honestly if he doesn’t want to act right, I can take her to the remaining classes.

He picked her up this past Monday to take her to gymnastics. JaMya hadn’t talked to him the whole week before. When she saw him she smiled and ran to him. My heart just smiled. Since Monday she’s been getting dressed, saying “Daddy pick me up and take me to gymnastics” and it’s been so cute. Today is Thursday, she’s been calling him every day with no answer and no return call. I started feeling a kind of way, I guess because of my insecurities with my dad. I desired my dad so much, he never answered my calls, called me back, and stood me up often. I would sit by the door or window waiting for him. I just don’t want the same for her.

Out of frustration, I texted him letting him know that she has been calling and that if he can’t make time for her, I can have her stop calling. His response – I’ll see her this weekend. Seriously??!!

Children need their parents, emphasis on the plural, every day and the fact that we are no longer together I just thought he’d at least want to hear from his 2 year old every day. He is using her as a pawn to spite and manipulate me.

He is doing everything in his power to get a reaction out of me. Like the other day, he was supposed to see her, “his day”, he shows up at 8pm. Who the heck sees a 2 year old at 8 at night? You went to the gym, enjoyed your whole day, but do a drive-by visit with our daughter.

I’m really having a strong urge to cut off communication. If and when she asks to call, divert her attention to something else. Like I said, I’m not sure if I’m playing into my past hurts, but I don’t want her to be like ‘why doesn’t my dad answer when I call’. I honestly feel like because he knows I want them to have a great relationship and for her to have her dad, he will intentionally do the opposite to “hurt” me.

Praise God for my earthly father that was an assisted vessel to get me here and praise God for my Heavenly Father for filling my wounds and being all the father I need. Like I told her this morning, God is our father and He is all we will ever need. He loves you, He loves us. He always has and always will.

Because of my strong urge to end communication with him, I was compelled to Google having a narcissist as a baby daddy. Of course not my choice words, lol, but I saw plenty of articles about the narcissist father and the effect it has on the ex and the child.

Just the other day, I saw someone comment under a post about narcissism, and they said that having a narcissistic parent ruined their life. Instantly I knew that I had to protect her from him. I’m doing everything in my power to give her a fair and balanced childhood with the least emotional drama possible.

So these articles talked about my feelings. How co-parenting with a narcissist is impossible, forget communication, and how everything they do will be to have you at their disposal. To manipulate you into being emotionally available and draining you until you nothing left. Him not answering his daughter’s call… what did she do to him? Nothing! It’s to upset me. You’ll see her this weekend?! Then I’ll be on hold, waiting for him, for her. Honestly we have peace with him not around. I’m not about to keep waiting on him. We are going to go about our day as usual and if he shows up, at an appropriate time and we are available, then that’s fine. And if not, oh well. I will not deny our child her father but I will deny the drama and stress that comes along with him being in her life.

Psalm 27:10, 11 – When my father and my mother forsake me, then the Lord will take me up. Teach me thy way, O Lord, and lead me in a plain path, because of mine enemies.

My Prayer:
God I’ve been saying that it’s okay if he isn’t around because you are her father. When I moved you told me I would be okay because You are her father. And now with me cutting off communications from our end, I’m at peace with it because you are her father. And while dealing with my past with my dad, you are my father. You are amazing. You gave me this promise today, after I made the decision. You said when your mother and father forsake us, You will take us up. Thank you God for taking me up and taking my daughter up. I pray that you may teach me to walk in your ways for me and so that I may teach her. Amen!

Comments

  1. Amen sis God is goin to give u all the desires of ur heart

    ReplyDelete

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